


Now's Your Moment

by Bizarra



Series: We Know The Way [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 02:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15899253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bizarra/pseuds/Bizarra
Summary: After her middle of the night conversation with B'Elanna, Kathryn goes to speak to Chakotay.





	Now's Your Moment

**Author's Note:**

> This follows immediately after Right As Rain and acts as a Prologue for the series: We Know The Way.

Kathryn Janeway stepped out of the turbolift with a slight hesitation. It wasn’t that she was having second thoughts about her decision; well, maybe she was, a little. Her conversation with Lieutenant - no, B’Elanna - Torres had been something she’d sorely needed: an ear that wasn’t Chakotay’s, and a neutral party. The corridor of Deck Three was quiet and clear at this time of night. As she approached her own quarters, Kathryn hesitated. Go in and sleep on her decision or go to him? Her hand hovered on the control panel of her door, while Kathryn weighed her indecision. She sighed, knowing that if she slept on it, she’d never tell him. It was now or never. Kathryn took a deep breath, shored up her will power, and walked the rest of the way to Chakotay’s door.

Now, Kathryn was standing at his door, feeling the same qualms, with a large dose of the fact that it was nearly 0300 and she knew he was sleeping. She sighed and dropped her forehead, along with her hands, onto the cool surface of the door in front of her. What the hell was she doing? She was a starship captain for God’s sake, not a sixteen-year-old wrestling with a first date. If she could handle the Kazon, she could handle telling Chakotay she was in love with him. Actually, the outcome of speaking to Chakotay would be much more preferable than dealing with the Kazon. Kathryn smirked, then took a deep breath and threw her head back, looking at the ceiling with a quiet growl of frustration. She looked around, realizing she’d better make a decision soon, before someone walked down the corridor and caught her standing at her first officer’s door, in the middle of the night.

Kathryn lifted a hand from the door and pressed the chime before her conscious thought registered the action. Nothing. Granted, in all likelihood, Chakotay was deeply asleep and might not hear the chirps. She rang again and waited. Kathryn could use her override, but breaking and entering was no way to begin a relationship. She tapped her combadge. “Janeway to Chakotay,” she said, quietly, not wanting to startle him.

It was a few moments before his clearly sleep-addled voice replied” “Kathryn? Is everything all right?”

“Umm hmm,” she mumbled, “can you open your door?”

“My door?” Chakotay asked, still not quite awake. “Why?”

“Because I’m standing on the other side of it,” Kathryn said with a slight grin. She heard a rustling of clothes, a thunk, and an ‘ow’, just before his door slid open and Chakotay closed the comm link. Kathryn stepped inside and the doors closed behind her. His living area was dark, the only light coming from the streaking stars, outside the viewport. 

“Illumination twenty percent,” Chakotay requested, and the lighting went up just enough to see, but not enough to blind someone used to the complete darkness. “Are you okay? Is the ship okay?” he asked, genuinely confused as to why she was there, in her pajamas, in the middle of the night.

Kathryn nodded as she took in his appearance. He wore black sweatpants and an open robe over his bare chest. Both items, she assumed he’d probably just thrown on. His normally-combed back hair was over his forehead, but stuck up where he’d been sleeping, in a rather endearing way. Something clicked in Kathryn’s mind that she would very much like to wake to this view, every morning. 

“Kathryn?” he asked again.

She cleared her thoughts at his question. “I ... _Spit it out Kathryn._ “I think we should discuss our parameters.”

“What?” Chakotay asked, still not one hundred-percent awake, but also really confused. He reached and swiped his hand under the twisted collar of his robe, straightening it to be more comfortable. He stepped closer to the -- fidgety, he noticed -- woman standing in front of him. “I thought we had?”

Kathryn moved to the couch and sat, rigidly, almost at ‘attention’, with her hands on either side of her, gripping the edges of the cushion. “I’d like to re-define them,” she said, quietly.

Chakotay moved to her and sat on the coffee table at her opposite. “I don’t understand.” And he didn’t. Before they’d left the planet, they had decided to leave their personal relationship behind. It had hurt like hell, but, in the end, they’d agreed that it was for the best. They’d work together; they’d remain friends; but they wouldn’t pursue anything more while in the Delta Quadrant. Had he done something, or said something, accidentally? Chakotay wracked his brain to try to remember. “I’ve done nothing inappropriate, have I?”

Kathryn shook her head. “No, you haven’t,” she sighed, “and it’s a sad state of things that you’d have to even ask that question.”

Chakotay sat, just looking at her. He had no idea what she was doing there, or why they were having this conversation in the middle of the night. Over the last couple weeks, their feelings for each other had affected the way they treated each other, both on- and off-duty. It was like they were constantly dodging landmines and, here she now sat, practically handing him one. “Kathryn,” Chakotay said, keeping his voice as neutral as possible, “why are you here?”

“I can’t do this anymore.” Kathryn clasped her hands together in her lap. “I’m tired of walking on eggshells around you, afraid I’ll say something; afraid you’ll say something.” Her voice hitched as she swallowed a sob. “It’s starting to affect us, on the bridge.”

“I’ll resign my post; switch with Tuvok,” he suggested. “By rights, he should have been your first officer when Cavit died.” It wasn’t what Chakotay wanted, but when he promised to make her burdens lighter, he meant it. If removing himself from her side, on a daily basis, would ease Kathryn’s suffering, he would, in a heartbeat.

 _Of course he would do that,_ Kathryn thought. Chakotay’s damned selflessness, where she was concerned, was one of the things Kathryn most loved about him, but also one of the things that most terrified her. He would walk into a warp core breach if it meant saving her; and, if he died, Kathryn had no idea how she’d survive. But, if she were brutally honest, she’d do the same thing if it meant saving him.

Kathryn shook her head. “No. You don’t have to do that,” she smiled. “Tuvok’s not nearly as much fun as you are, during a boring shift.” Her smile faded as she reached a hand between them, mentally hoping he’d take it. When he did, Kathryn gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I had a conversation with B’Elanna, in the mess hall, about an hour ago.”

Chakotay quirked his brows. He still had no idea where she was going with this conversation, but her offered hand was an interesting sign. Of what, he had no clue; but, he did take the hand she offered. “Oh?” She wasn’t talking to him anymore? Then, Chakotay realized that perhaps he’d been the subject of the conversation. “I’m glad you’re opening up to the crew, Kathryn. You need friends.” Gods, now he sounded like her father.

She smiled. “It was an enlightening talk. She gave me a perspective that I needed to hear.” Kathryn tugged on their clasped hands, pulling herself slightly closer. “Reminded me that I should do something that I should have done a while ago.” She reached, with her free hand, and slid it across his cheek. Her fingertips traced over the lower lines of his tattoo, at his temple.

When she caressed his cheek, Chakotay stopped breathing - at least it felt like it - and, closing his eyes, just let himself feel. Hope sprang forth, but he tamped it down. Until he knew exactly where she was going with this, Chakotay would not release the security lock on his heart. “Kathryn -” His voice was little more than a husky whisper. “Please, don’t -”

“I don’t have any ancient legends or stories,” her voice broke as she fought for the words, “but, I can tell you that, from the moment you stood on my bridge, I felt something that I couldn’t identify. I knew you wouldn’t hurt me or anyone on my bridge. Including Tom.” She gave him a slight smile, in return for the one he’d just hinted at. “But, we were in the middle of a crisis, and I let it go to concern myself with the issues we were facing, at the time. Over time, I was pleased to find that we worked incredibly well together, as a command team, and I truly enjoyed our growing friendship. That feeling was always in the back of my mind, waiting for me to recognize it.

With a last caress of his cheek, Kathryn let her hand drift down his arm, to find his free hand, and grasp it, warmly. “Then, last month, on -” she hesitated for a moment, “New Earth, when you were massaging my aching shoulders, two things hit me with the force of a falling bulkhead: I realized what that feeling was, and that another had joined it.” Kathryn squeezed his hands, still in hers and gave him a full smile. “I couldn’t get away from you fast enough.”

“I noticed that,” Chakotay huffed a light laugh and pulled one hand from hers, to brush an errant strand of hair from her forehead to tuck behind her ear. “I stood there for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.”

“I needed to think,” she answered, “and we both know that when I think on things, the Captain adds her two cents, and that seldom ends well-”.

“Kathryn.” Chakotay tried to stop her train of thought before it changed tracks, all together. “What were the things you realized?” 

Kathryn took a deep breath and closed her eyes, for a moment, trying to dispel any last-minute reservations. Once she spoke the words, they couldn’t be taken back. She could hear B’Elanna’s voice in the back of her mind: _Don’t think._ Resolved, Kathryn opened her eyes and spoke. “I recognized the feeling that had been niggling in the back of my mind, all this time.” Her hand moved back to his cheek. “The comfortable feeling when I’m with you, or when I look at you, is home. You’re my home. And that honestly terrifies me.”

Chakotay involuntarily gasped; he hadn’t expected that. He reached for her hand on his cheek and turned, slightly, to press a kiss on her palm, before lowering their hands and leaning slightly forward. “Why does that scare you, Kathryn?” Though, Chakotay had a feeling he knew the answer to that question, already.

“I have a ship full of people that I need to get home, to the Alpha Quadrant. I can’t afford to lose sight of that.”

He reached up and caressed Kathryn’s cheek, pulling her chin up slightly. Chakotay brushed his thumb gently across her lips. “Whether we’re here, in the Delta Quadrant, or on Earth, in the Alpha, our home is wherever we are, in the moment. I will always be with you, Kathryn,” Chakotay assured her, softly. “We will get this ship home and we will do it together.” 

Kathryn formed a smile that illuminated her features. In that moment, she knew she was more than ready to let him into her life. “I love you, with everything that I am, and I probably have, for some time.”

At that, Chakotay smiled. His heart leapt for joy as he freed the constraints around his own feelings. “I love you, too.” He lay both hands against her cheeks, fingers tangling in her hair. “Kathryn, when you came in, you spoke of re-defining parameters,” he started, needing the clarity. “What does that mean, in light of all this?”

She smiled and let her fingers lazily trace the lines of his tattoo, “It means that I don’t think we need them anymore. I think we’re capable of keeping this out of our official duties to the ship, but I don’t want to keep us a secret, either. The crew will understand, or they’ll learn to live with it.”

“There’s no going back.” Chakotay wanted to make that clear, because, if he made this commitment, he wasn’t going back to the way things were. “Once we take this step, it’s for the rest of our lives.” He’d give her one more chance to step away. “Are you sure?”

Kathryn nodded. “I’m absolutely sure.” She stood and walked to the desk that held Chakotay’s comm terminal. “Tuvok can have the bridge, tomorrow. We’ve got things to discuss and,” her lips curled into a slightly-suggestive grin, “do.” She gestured at the terminal before opening the lid. “Do you mind if I use this, to send a message to him?”

He stood to follow her and shook his head. “What’s mine is yours.” Chakotay was honestly still trying to decide if this was really happening, or he was just having a very vivid dream. He hoped to the Gods it was real, because, if it turned out to be a dream, his psyche was going on his shit list.

Kathryn smiled at him, then turned her attention to sending the message. Once her ship’s business was completed, she closed the terminal’s lid and moved back to where he now stood. She reached her hand to his and entwined their fingers.

Chakotay cupped her cheek and leaned slightly lower. “I do have one parameter.” At the confused look on her face, he amended: “I think we’ll both be able to easily meet this one.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled Kathryn close. “No pips and no rank bars in either my bedroom or yours.” He smiled when she did. “Unless it’s an emergency, or a red or yellow alert, neither the Captain or the Commander are allowed in either bedroom.”

Kathryn nodded. “I can live with that.”

“Good,” he smiled, “I’m going to kiss you now, and then I’m taking you to bed.” He lowered and, finally, kissed her.

Kathryn leaned into his body as she deepened the kiss. His kiss was everything she knew it would be, and more, and they separated only when the need to breath became insistent. She took his hand, pulled him into the bedroom and, for the first time in a long time, felt no regrets about a decision.


End file.
